We live our entire lives in the punchline of a joke --
one we hear only faintly, from the opposite end of the room,
uttered in tenor and baritone and bass and sometimes even alto barbershop quartets,
accompanied by hand gestures creative and lewd,
and when we scream from inside the joke because we at least want to hear it,
(although it would sound the way your own chewing sounds inside your head)
well then we must be
hysterical
bossy
hysterical
imaginary
hysterical
and certainly on the rag.

When crossing the street, do a little jog and wave at the cars to thank them for not murdering you.
​Sit in the aisle seat so if you have to go to the bathroom you won't have to step over anyone.
Never use the wheelchair stall. What if someone comes along who really needs it?
Never answer honestly when asked "How are you?"
Cross your legs and keep your bag on your lap.
When you go numb cross the other leg.
Aspire to invisibility.
Don't eat meat.
Don't breed.
Don't drive.
Don't fly.
Hush.